Living the Journey

I thought I looked fine as a Christian homeschool girl—I wore the skirts, I read the books, I smiled—and I didn’t mind. In fact, I accepted those standards as my own, so I didn’t feel like I needed to change my heart in any way. I read God’s Word and liked it, I had dedicated my life to Him, and I spent nearly an hour every morning in devotions and prayer. I didn’t feel like my spiritual life was dry, and it certainly didn’t look like that to outsiders. I knew I was having some trust issues, and I knew there were areas in my life in which I needed to fully surrender to His will—but I thought I was able to deal with them alone.

From day one of the Journey I was challenged to examine my heart more thoroughly than ever before. I looked into my life and I saw . . . myself. It was like going into a library filled with one subject—me. Shelves filled with volumes on my experiences and articles on my talents; walls covered with pictures of the things I’d accomplished and detailed schedules of my future. There were a few notes on what God had done in my life and a couple of pictures of the gifts He’d given me, but that was all.

To tell you the truth, I was horrified! I looked into my life and saw few evidences of real humility, Christ-like grace, or genuine love—enough to get by as being a “good Christian,” but not enough to be truly Godly. You might not have noticed it from the outside, but after discovering it, I knew, and the knowledge made me rather uncomfortable. One morning on my prayer walk around the lake in the Northwoods, I stood chewing my nails at the door of the self-library of my heart. Then I felt Jesus come up behind me and ask, “Do you believe that I can do a great work in your life?”

I said, “Sure. You can do anything.” But then God revealed one big area in which I had not trusted Him—my future. I realized that through desiring my own way for my future, I was taking it out of God’s hands and saying, “Thanks, I’ll handle this.” By being afraid of failure, I was failing to trust that He had a perfect plan for my life.

So I told God I would trust Him, no matter what. I told Him how it would be hard for me sometimes, and I asked Him to come alongside me and encourage me when I felt like I couldn’t trust Him any more. I asked Him to make His presence and love first and foremost in my mind so I’d never forget. It was so freeing, handing my future back to the Lord!

Immediately, He brought to mind part of a message Mr. Gothard had given us back at Headquarters on what a blessing it can be to give God a period of years while you are still young and single to focus on serving Him without distraction. God said to me, “I want you to give me the next four years of your life and dedicate those years to single service. I will use you fully for me, and you won’t need to worry any more about how your youth will be spent.” At first I thought, “Why? I gave you my whole life—now you’re taking any possibility of marriage within the next four years!” (Now I realize how ridiculous that excuse was . . . I’ll only be 21, after all!) But He convicted me to give Him the next four years in which to remain single, with no reservations.

I did. Once I placed that area of my life in His hands, I was filled with joy! I wanted to sing! (It’s a good thing I was alone on my walk, because I don’t have the greatest singing voice… <g>) I realized that through giving God the next four years, He would be able to create in me the person He wanted me to be. Every decision, every thought, and every idea would be placed into His caring hands. It was among the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made . . . continue reading…

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I arrived in Oklahoma a little scared and uncertain. I had gone on a Journey several months before, and there God had opened my eyes to sin and rebellion that had been in my heart for a long time. I had then become convicted like never before. I told God I would follow Him wherever He wanted me to go. Several months later, someone suggested I go to teach character in the Oklahoma public schools.

I had all kinds of objections. One was, “I’m not qualified; I’ve never even been in a public school.” Another was, “I’m not worthy to teach character. I’m the last one to tell others about self-control and other character qualities.” A third was, “The kids will think I’m stupid.” Having all these fears, you can see why I was scared and uncertain when I came to Oklahoma. But I had decided to follow God’s leading.

While I was there, God did the impossible. He made me into someone who could teach and reach others for Him. He gave me a good relationship with Him. I cannot count the times I had no idea what to say in a situation, but after a short prayer, the words came to me. In Bible club, the Lord gave me two fifth grade boys that were trouble makers. I had no idea what I was going to do. I kept loving and praying for them and tried not to give up, but I was at my wits end with their annoying antics. Yet by the end of the year, they not only were cooperative, but they were listening and learning as well. My relationship with them is proof that I can trust God in any circumstance.

This is the greatest thing I learned there: I can trust God! Every time I had given something to God, I would end up taking it back: music, movies, TV, friends, you name it; I couldn’t seem to let anything go for good. I realized the reality was I didn’t believe God. I didn’t believe He was greater than all these worldly things or that He could make my life fun without them. But God proved to me that I could trust Him with everything in my life, and the end result would be greater then anything I could possibly have imagined.

Do I still make wrong choices and go back to old things? Yes. But my whole outlook has changed! I am learning things from the Bible I never knew, and my walk with God is better than it has ever been before. Going on the Journey was the first stepping stone to a whole new life, a life that was not ruled by my earthly desires, but by the Lord’s guidance and direction.

~ Paul
November 2007 Journey

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If you are interested in an opportunity to invest in the lives of children, please send a quick note to Chad Christiansen.

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Until the Journey, Joseph made decisions based on what his reasoning concluded was right or wrong. His life was controlled by his intellect. While on the Journey, he discovered the freedom of no longer “leaning on his own understanding” but instead dedicating his body to God according to Romans 12:1-2. Listen to how this one step opened up a new sensitivity to the Spirit of God and a firm trust in the promises of His Word.

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~ Joseph
October 2009 Guys Journey

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In June, my sister and I were privileged to serve as leaders for one of the Journey teams. Right before the time of prayer and anointing for greater works, Mr. Gothard mentioned that he wanted to pray for my  health. I was puzzled as to why he felt led to pray for my health. I’m basically healthy; however, for more than 10 years I’ve struggled with heart palpitations called premature ventricular contractions (PVCs).

I knew I had allowed these heart palpitations to bring great fear into my life, even though my cardiologist has told me they do not harm your heart and you cannot die from them. I used to experience just a few a day, but over the past several years, my tendency to have them has increased. I’ve experienced days at a time with PVCs every minute. It can be emotionally draining and frustrating. I wasn’t sure what God was going to do through the special anointing session and time of prayer, but I had great peace in confessing my fears and yielding completely to His will.

After the time of prayer I was encouraged, and the day we left to go home, my heart seemed to be doing great. After I returned home I experienced a few… then they subsided. About a week later, they came on in full force. I was really discouraged. God reminded me that true joy could be experienced even in the midst of disappointment. I needed to trust God to work all this for good. One of my favorite verses over the past couple months has been Psalm 94:18-19:

If I say, “My foot is slipping,” Your loyal love, O Lord, supports me. When worries threaten to overwhelm me, Your soothing touch makes me HAPPY.

In His faithfulness, God reminded me that He was in control of my life and all that happens to me. I realized that if He was allowing the heart palpitations, it was for a reason—to grow my character! Whatever His plans are for my life, they are what I desire. I resolved not to allow the PVCs to steal my joy and hope in Him—that would only delight the enemy.

Since coming to those realizations, I’ve been amazed by the calm and steady heart beat God has blessed me with! I can’t explain it except by the grace and power of our God. It is truly miraculous to go throughout my day, to even sit here and type this out, without feeling any weird thuds from my heart!

God doesn’t always answer our prayers with a yes, but in His great love and mercy, He has strengthened my faith by doing the miraculous and unexpected in my life. Through all of this, He’s taught me that He will supply us with the grace, confidence, and peace to continue through challenging circumstances. He has the power to change our circumstances! He wants us to be totally dependent on Him so that we might see HIS GLORY manifested in our lives.

Yes, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37)! The one who fears the Lord… is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid (Psalm 112:7-8).

~Jennifer Lavin
June 2009 Girl’s Journey

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