During my personal interview with Mr. Gothard at the start of the Journey, he asked me, “On a scale 1 -10 (10 being the strongest) how would you rate your relationship with God?”

I replied, “It would be a 1.”

On the outside, I looked like a pretty nice Christian young man who had a fairly good life. On the inside, I was headed down a path leading to destruction. My life was a total mess. I had a lot of bitterness towards my parents and I was filled with anger, malice, rage, hatred, lust, immorality, and moral perversions. I believed the lie from Satan that I didn’t need anyone else . . . God or parents.  So it’s safe to say that even though I had said the “sinners prayer” before, my relationship with God was pretty much nonexistent.

To be perfectly honest with you, I really didn’t want to go on the Journey to the Heart. However, it was my dad’s desire that I go, so I submitted and decided to go with an open heart. I also determined that I wanted to find God on this Journey.

Fast forward . . . to Tuesday morning – March 31^st

This was the first day at the Northwoods, up in Michigan.  I was lying in my bed doing my quiet time and wrote a simple prayer in my journal.  The prayer went like this:

Dear God,

I want to find you!  Help me to forgive my parents, Lord.  Help me, give me the courage to confess my sins and competing affections out loud to you on this Journey!  Thank you Jesus for making it possible for me to come on this Journey.  Bless the rest of my family today Lord.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen

I want to share a verse with you that is found in Jeremiah 29:13: “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” This verse is so true. Literally one hour later the Holy Spirit came upon me in a way that I have never experienced before and I just broke.  I was on my knees/face weeping before the Lord confessing every sin that I could think of out loud to God and to my other teammates. I confessed my pride, my bitterness, my anger, my lust, my immorality, everything I could think of I confessed to God.  I told God that I forgave my parents for the hurts they caused me.

I began rebuking Satan.  I told him that I didn’t want him in my life anymore and commanded him to flee.  Then I asked God to fill me with His Spirit.  Our team spent two hours of praying and confessing hidden sins to God and to one another.  I can tell you I felt a lot better after praying this prayer.  This all happened on Tuesday and it took me until Wednesday sometime to realize that God had answered every single line of that prayer that I had written down in my journal that morning.

Wednesday – April 1^st

Wednesday was a day of discussing how to get rid of the hidden sins and secret lusts (competing affections) that hinder us from fully loving God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.  Earlier in the week we had heard the phrase:  “The power of sin is in its secrecy.”  This means that once a sin is exposed, confessed, and repented of, the sin has no more power over you.  This is why it is crucial when we confess our sins that we confess every detail of the particular sin so that Satan has nothing to fall back on. It is like when someone goes into surgery for cancer and the doctors performing the surgery must make sure they cut off every part of that tumor. Otherwise, what happens?  The tumor grows back.

Our leader, Chad, told us if there was anything we needed to confess to our parents that would be hindering our walk with the Lord, and hindering the one accord between the group, he would make it possible for us to use the phones over at the main lodge.  God had convicted me of a particular sin that I had been struggling with that I needed to confess and ask for forgiveness.

After dinner, we went over to the main lodge and I called my dad.  He wasn’t there.  I left him a message saying I had accepted Christ as my Savior and that I needed to talk to him so I would either call them back later or to just keep me accountable and ask me when I get home.  Later that night, I called again and this time I got a chance to talk with my dad and my mom.  At first I only confessed it to my dad, but I eventually decided that I needed to confess it to my mom as well.  After confessing it to both my parents and asking for their forgiveness they both said they forgave me. I am on a quest of desiring to fully confess everything to my parents and cleanse my heart of all impurities.

Before I left, I sent out a massive email asking for prayer that I would:

1. Go with an open heart
2. Meet God in supernatural way
3. Come home loving God more then I ever have before

God answered every single one of those requests! It just goes to show that if we seek God with all our hearts, we will indeed find Him.  If we seek Him, He will make Himself known to us in ways we could have never imagined.

~ Kyle
March 2009 Journey

Download audio file (Testimony_200908_Crystal.mp3)
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I came to the Journey knowing that there were struggles in my life that needed to be resolved. At the top of the list was my bitterness towards my father.

Before we left Headquarters for the Northwoods, I was challenged to give the expectations I had of my father to the Lord. I was also encouraged to find ten benefits from my situation . . . then a few more . . . and I needed to ask the Lord to bless my father with the character qualities he was lacking.

I wasn’t too sure I could think of that many benefits, but as I went outside to spend some time alone, one benefit in particular kept taking over my thoughts. The Lord God Almighty—the Creator of heaven and earth and my Heavenly Father—was teaching me to fully rely on Him for the security, comfort, acceptance, love, and everything else that my heart desired so greatly. He was the only one who could fulfill those roles completely. As I began to ask the Lord to bless my father, a huge weight left me.

On Tuesday, our team spent the morning outside enjoying the beauty of God’s creation and studying about the murmuring heart. I was very convicted and later called home to ask my father’s forgiveness.

For many years I had experienced doubts about my salvation, which were probably a result of the bitterness I had been harboring. Now that this bitterness was resolved, I had a renewed impression upon my heart to get rebaptized.

I understood that baptism is not necessary for salvation. However, I realized that if I humbled myself through this baptism and openly acknowledged that Jesus Christ was the Lord of my life (no matter what others might think), then my doubts would leave.

I talked over the phone with my parents and they both said it would be fine, although my mom strongly urged me to pray for a rhema. During our day of delighting in the Lord I was seeking a really special verse, but the only verse that I felt impressed to meditate on was Proverbs 30:5. To be honest, I didn’t exactly see the relevance of this particular verse. However, my team listened to Jim Sammons share about meditating on one verse each week, so this became my verse.

When Saturday morning came and still I didn’t seem to have a rhema, or so I thought, I prayed and gave the whole request to God, since it seemed that I had run out of time. Right before the meeting that night, my team leader asked if I was getting baptized. I said that I didn’t think so . . . but God does amazing things!

During the meeting, Bob Norvell shared how to continue living what we had learned during the journey. Close to the end, he started quoting a verse. It was Proverbs 30:5: “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.” It seemed Mr. Norvell was looking straight at me during the whole verse. Then the Lord said to me, “There you go. This is your answer. Trust me and be baptized.” Wow! I was very nervous, but He kept assuring me, “I am a shield to those who trust in Me.’”

So that night I was baptized at the lake, under the stars, and as I came up and walked out of the water the Lord took away all of those doubts and fears! Hallelujah, praise His name!!

~ Crystal
July 2009 Girls’ Journey

I was the youngest daughter of Joanne, the owner of those two gold necklaces.

The police were at the house questioning my two oldest sisters, Jessica and Amy. I can’t recall what my brother was doing, but I know what I was doing. I was sitting in her room, crying. My mother was gone and I didn’t know where she was. I had just turned 11 one week prior and I could not understand the chaos in my young life.

Finally, my oldest sister, Jessica, told me that I had to go to bed. Jessica was crying, but she was trying to be strong, if for only the sake of me. Everyone in the house was worried about one thing: Mom had done what she’d been threatening to do.

I cried myself to sleep, in fear of what would happen in the morning. When morning came around, I awoke to the heart-wrenching sobs of my sisters. It was true then. Mom had really done it. She’d been saying that she would do it for months, and now finally she had. My mother had committed suicide.

I didn’t believe them. It couldn’t be. It didn’t happen! It wasn’t until I saw my brother, that I believed the police’s report. He was sitting on a white lawn chair sobbing. I’d never seen my brother cry before, never. I knew then that it was true. My brother was crying and then I broke down and cried too.

A Troubled Past

My home was definitely not a good place to grow up in. There was fighting, drinking and drugs. My mother smoked marijuana and drank more often than not. I watched movies and saw magazines that no little girl should EVER lay eyes on. I picked up the language of my older siblings. At about age 10, I was cursing and saying things that I wish I’d never have said. The truth was, I hated my family. I hated my mother, and unfortunately I told her so on many occasions. I couldn’t stand how she drank and smoked. When she did, she became a different person, a stranger to me.

When I was 9, my mother took me for a walk. Deep inside, I could tell that something was wrong. My father had died of cirrhosis of the liver. I cried and cried. It was awful. Why was everything so wrong? Why? Why? Why? It was a question that I asked too many times to count.

Sadly, suicide became more tempting every day. I thought about it a lot. How I could do it, when I could do it. It’s horrible to think about it, but the thoughts floating around in my head were there and I couldn’t get rid of them. But, I didn’t want to get rid of them. I entertained them. It was horrible. I was only 10 and I was thinking about suicide nearly every day!

However, I was afraid. I was so afraid of dying. At the same time, I wanted to die, yet, I didn’t want to die. I didn’t know where I would go when I did. Yes, there was always the pleading thought to end my life, but I never followed through. In the back of my mind, it would creep upon me every once in a while.

A Turn Toward Christ

I moved in with my Uncle, Aunt and their four children. Their home was the complete opposite of my former home. Like a breath of fresh air after going through a fire. They’re Christians.

I was extremely introverted during those first few weeks. I didn’t want to talk about anything that had to do with my past. My Uncle and Aunt would often talk with me and ask me questions, but I would only clam up.

I knew who Christ was and how He died on the cross for my sins, but I wasn’t ready to accept Him as my Lord and Savior. I didn’t understand why God would do this to me. I was so angry, that I didn’t want anything that had to do with Him.

One day, we went to our pastor’s house and we watched a moving film about eternity. It scared me. I knew where I was going. I was going to Hell and it terrified me. Well, shortly after that, I asked my Uncle and Aunt to pray with me. I prayed to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior!

A Transformed Heart

However, I didn’t realize that bitterness was still on the throne of my life and it was growing within me. I had a boiling cup of anger within me, aimed toward God and my family. How could He let this happen to me? I tried to ignore it for the most part while continuing my Christian walk. Actually, it was more like a struggle. I didn’t want to talk about my past. I was still a closed person.

In 2007, I had the opportunity to go to Journey to the Heart. It’s a journey to discover what’s in your heart and what the genuine heart of God is. It was there that I broke. I had so much bitterness by this time that I couldn’t stand it. I fell to my knees and begged for God’s forgiveness. I was so grieved for holding all this anger toward God; the God that created me and gave me life.

The weight that was lifted off my shoulders was incredible. I now had a desire to follow God and to do His will. It was no longer the fear of Hell that prompted me to follow Him. I had come to realize the depth of my own sin and how much He loved me.

I was free! I was no longer in bondage to the chains of sin that held me. I don’t know what God has planned for my future, but I can now thank Him for the fires he took me through. I now realize if I hadn’t gone through all of it, I would still be on the path to Hell.

That night I accepted Jesus into my heart as the Lord of my life. Never before have I felt such a sincere love for the Lord. Since then, I have been on fire for God reading the Bible and praying with a fervency that I had never experienced before. Praise the Lord!

~ Drew
October 2008 Guy’s Journey

In my last post, I wrote on how the Lord had cleansed me from worldly music. He did. However, it was only another step through the door of true understanding. Although there was a new found resolve in my heart from the vow I made to the Lord, I felt as though I was still putting forth most of the effort in every area of my life and spiritual maturity.

It was like a shadow on the wall of my heart. No matter where I went, I couldn’t get away from it, and trying to wipe a shadow from a wall doesn’t work. This shadow was not specific unconfessed sins, but rather the core of who I was illuminated by God’s Word. Stopping the Light of God from purifying me completely, this darkness of self led me into deeper and deeper misery.

In my outward life, things were actually going the best they ever had. The Lord had cleansed me from a stronghold, I was striving for righteousness, and I felt confident that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. But there was still the shadow. When I wouldn’t get up for devotions, a sweep of hate would fall upon me—a hatred of myself. I wanted to kill myself. “Either Christianity is miserable or it isn’t real.” That is where my thoughts often directed themselves. When the ever-looming fact of my inadequacy to please God would continue to present itself, I would continue to run back to what I believed, to what I had done to prove that I was God’s child.

Truly, everything good is the work of the Lord. It comes only from His mighty grace which flows from His heart of love—the Life of Jesus. In my pathetic state of strong-willed iniquity, God still sought me. The Lord kept knocking—calling to me tenderly. All He wanted me to do was open the door, see who I really was, confess my absolute inadequacy, and let Him and His goodness fully into my heart.

O how we are blessed with a God that pursues us diligently! On my knees—powerless, hopeless, and defeated—I opened the door. When the genuinely evil motives of my self-righteous heart were revealed, God poured down His grace from heaven and glory filled my soul.

At first I felt no different, but knowledge of the truth of His Word in my heart grew. By that night I couldn’t sleep for the joy that was burning in me. In the morning, when the pure excitement of true salvation began to sink in, I noticed something else. No shadow. I had it all backwards. This was never my own journey to my heart. It was God’s journey to my heart! And now, “It is finished.” He has won and cleansed me. I am His. And now the journey of Christ in me, which I knew nothing about, begins.

~ Tim
June 2008 Guys’ Journey

I tried to read my Bible, pray and do some scripture memory…but I wasn’t seeking the Lord with all of my heart. There were still parts of me that were not surrendered to Him.

While on this Journey, God brought me to the point of complete and total surrender to Him. Everything is His and to be used for His glory; my heart, soul, will, future friends and music were all His. I must pray for His strength everyday to stay close to Him, hide His Word in my heart and stand alone in righteousness. I am willing to give anything up for Him.

When I came to this point, my spirit leaped inside of me and I was filled with joy and excitement! I reaffirmed my salvation and I am going to read the Word and engraft scripture into my mind and heart from now on.

Praise God for his work in my life through the Journey and I pray that I will continue to grow in Him as I seek Him with all my heart!

~ Max, Age 16
June 2008 Guys’ Journey

When I signed up to go on the “Journey to the Heart”, I knew little of how God would use it in my life. Up until that point, I truly thought that I was a Christian, because I had grown up in a Christian family and I had said the sinners prayer when I was 3 years old. Despite that, I did not have a personal relationship with God. Everything I said and did was out of tradition and what was expected of me. It was during my “Journey to the Heart”, that God showed me who He was and little by little tore down the walls I had built up around my heart. Throughout my life, due to some difficult circumstances I had always thought that I wasn’t a sinner.

Instead, I would look at the crimes others had committed against me and say “those are the sinners… me?… are you kidding!” It wasn’t until I forgave the people who had hurt me that God showed me I was a sinner in need of His forgiveness. While on my Journey, I fully surrendered and dedicated my life to Christ. As a result, I now have a personal relationship with God and since then, He has shown me that my life purpose is to know Him and to make Him known!

It saddens me to think of all the years that I have wasted and all the
things God had to bring me through to reach this point. Despite that, I know that He has a plan and purpose for everything! “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

It is difficult for me to put in a few paragraphs all the things God has done in my heart and in my life since I was dropped off at the airport to return home. When I was dropped off at the airport I was very scared not knowing what to expect and not knowing what awaited me when I walked off the plane. To make me feel even more uncomfortable… the man sitting beside me on the plane was viewing pornography on his Blackberry. Despite that, God overflowed me with peace beyond understanding and I could literally feel a huge bubble of protection circle around me. God surrounded and spoke words of comfort, hope, peace and love to me. It was when I gave Him all my concerns, fears and worries that I realized without any doubt that He was sending me where I needed to be most of all!

The next morning after returning home… my dad woke everyone (even the baby) up at 5:30 am for a family Wisdom Search. This was the first time we had devotions in many, many years. Surprisingly, since that morning nine months ago, this has continued on, on a consistent basis. I am in awe! To God be the glory and praise! When I was younger and we did family devotions and went to church I would be very angry because of the level of hypocrisy and the thick masks that we would put on in front of ourselves and others. There was nothing real about us. We were one family at home and a completely different picture perfect family at church. It literally tore me to pieces and taught me to live a life of pretending.

At Headquarters God literally tore off every single mask I was wearing. He showed me that because He is REAL, I have the freedom to be real and allow others to see who I really am. Now as a person who is wholly and holy committed to God, I no longer need to hide and pretend. I am alive!

A few months ago I was asked to speak at a ladies outreach ministry. After much prayer, I felt God was calling me to share my testimony and some of the pain and struggles I have dealt with. While I was speaking not only did I see people sitting on the edge of their chairs, I saw wounded hearts needy of God’s healing and forgiveness. As a result of that opportunity, I have had the joy of seeing God touch and open the hearts of many woman.

Since then I have been asked to be the main speaker at a young girls camp this summer. I feel so inadequate… but in that inadequacy I believe God has called me to be “a prophet unto nations” (Jeremiah 1: 4-10)…“for such a time as this!” (Esther 4:14).
In the meantime, I have started training as a receptionist for my father’s
office. My father has previously hurt me in the past and this is the hardest
thing I have ever done! Yet despite that, I have never felt more strongly
that this is what I am supposed to be doing. God has clearly shown me that He wants me to dedicate this next year to serve and bless my father,
honoring him for who he is as a God given authority figure in my life. Since
I have started to work in his office, I have had this overwhelming burden to pray for my father as I work. Over the past month, as I have done this,
there have been several times my father has stopped in the middle of our
Wisdom Search’s to confess and to ask forgiveness for different things.
Although the emotional pain due to the things that have happened in the past is still very great, I know God has done a miracle in my heart and is
healing it. Right now I am learning to relate to my earthly dad through God, instead of relating to God through my earthly dad.
I am traveling on the road less traveled, which makes my journey long and
steep. Despite that, I can whole heartily say with the hymn writer “It will
be worth it all when we see Christ!” The Lord is my strength and my
sufficiency!

“He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might
he increaseth strength. Even the youth shall faint and be weary, and the
young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:29-31)

It is my desire is to live a life that is so radically different from others, that I will be able to make an eternal difference in the lives of every single person I meet! This can only be done by living in the reality of my life purpose, to know Him and make Him known! I want to praise and thank the Lord for the work He is doing and has done in my life. He has rescued and redeemed me from a pit and has put my feet on a rock! “The Lord is good and only does good! Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

~Jessica
September 2007 Journey to the Heart

~ Alexis, Age 14

On Thursday night I talked with my leader and I realized that I had never genuinely cried out for salvation. I prayed that night and now I am free!!! I also dedicated my life to Him and what He would like to accomplish through me. I can’t wait to serve Christ now fully -with no reserves!!!”

~ A Grateful Young Lady