This past week concluded my second Journey to the Heart. God met me unexpectedly the first day. I suddenly became aware of what had been holding me back from fully experiencing God’s power! As a young child, I had been rejected/pushed away by my parents, and although they had confessed and repented of this many times, I had harbored a lot of bitterness towards them and many others who had hurt me deeply over the years.
When I was younger, there had also been a struggle between my parents in their marriage, which had caused me to cut off my spirit from them, to build up walls of defense, and to suffer asthma and nightmares from my fears. I had sought acceptance in other people and possessions, which had caused me to not only lack the trust I needed for my parents, but to hold back from fully trusting God.
The Breaking Point
As this realization dawned upon me, I broke down and wept on the floor where we had all knelt to pray in groups of 3 or 4. My team leader, sensing that God was doing a work in my heart, led me away to talk in private. Over the course of the next 2 hours, she helped me identify 30 lies I believed, 20 painful memories I was suffering from, and 5 different fears that were affecting my health.
That day my eyes were opened to the bondage that I had been in for so many years. I experienced a new freedom as I prayed asking God to take back the ground I had surrendered. I was able to fully forgive my offenders and to develop a new love for them, and a desire to serve and bless them!
Dying Leaves are More Beautiful
This amazing event set the stage for the rest of my Journey! I found that my heart was open to examination as I studied the different heart conditions. I was able to pray for others with a whole new love for them! I saw God use me to encourage and disciple many other girls throughout the time there, and to cry out to Him without fear of what others would think. There was a whole new awareness of His promptings, and the ability to hear His voice like never before! Most of all, I learned to understand the pain of others who were in similar bondage to what I had been in.
God showed me how to understand the hurts of another and to care for them! He broke me one night as I was spending time alone with Him under the stars. I wept for a girl I had known who was experiencing much more than I had ever experienced, but was held by the chains I had been in.
Throughout the week, as I observed the beauty of the colorful leaves on the trees, I was reminded continually by our team leader that the leaves were beautiful, yet they were dying! I saw that just as dying leaves are more beautiful than those that are alive, so we as believers are required to die to self and to be on fire for the Lord, in order to achieve the greatest beauty.
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