A month before I came to the Journey to the Heart, life at my home was falling apart. Problems that had been discreetly covered over in public life were causing so much anger and pain that life was almost unbearable.

I grew up in the Philippines. I loved the people, loved the ministry, and loved seeing so much of God. His hand was working in troubled lives through the testimonies we shared with one another. He was ever present and always sufficient. As I got older, the cares of living caught up with me, people and relationships became more tangled and I began to put God farther and farther down on my list. He became so common that I took Him for granted.

Then our whole ministry came crashing to pieces.

Ugly problems that had been working in secret finally surfaced. My father sat me and my older brother down and said: “We are leaving.” The only thing that came to my mind was that this was some king of cruel joke.  It could not be happening.  It was not possible.

It was true.

In one month our entire lives were packed into boxes and I found myself in a foreign country (but my passport said it was “home”) where I knew little more than the geography and the language . . . and little of that.

For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;

The next year I spent much time working on my own to survive. I waded through the morass of teen life trying desperately to salvage some sort of meaning. The mission climate I had been accustomed to made “teen problems” seem shallow. I buried myself in books to find some life wherein I could understand people, where life had meaning, and where my wounds wouldn’t hurt so badly. I sunk so deep into depression that I would wonder why I even wanted to remain alive.  Into my vortex of pain, God began to tenderly turn me toward Him.

Come and see the works of God;
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men.
He turned the sea into dry land;
They went through the river on foot.
There we will rejoice in Him.

In 2008, during a session with Teen Pact, they gave a time for personal prayer and meditation. For the first time in about 4 years, I was able to still my mind and I asked God if I could ever go back to the Philippines (my life goal, basically). Suddenly, almost like a physical touch, I heard the word “Here.” “Here?” I asked. “Why here? I don’t fit in here. I will freeze to death here!” Then, in the midst of my complaints I realized that I had stopped His Spirit from speaking to me because of my complaints.

If I regard iniquity in my heart,
The Lord will not hear.
But certainly God has heard me;
He has attended to the voice of my prayer.
Blessed be God,
Who has not turned away my prayer,
Nor His mercy from me!

I came to the Journey to the Heart hoping that God would see my gifts in language and culture and send me off to a foreign country where I could put them into action for His glory.  I wanted God to fix the problems in my family that had caused our ministry in the Philippines to collapse.  But He didn’t do that.

More than ever I knew that His calling for me was “here”—to serve my family and be a missionary to them. Their problems and their wounds were something I could speak to. This was the mission that he had uniquely equipped me to accomplish.

It was stunning and overwhelming to realize. It was heavy and taxing for me to agree to.  But I am fulfilled and blessed to be doing it. I realized that Journey was giving me the tools to reach God’s Heart and show it to my family. It has not been easy. Coming home I could not say anything to my mother without her getting angry at me and saying how bitter I sounded.  I searched my heart over and over . . . but found nothing.  Then God gave me a rhema: Psalm 59. I was then able to pray for her and work on loving her without words.

About a week later, when I was driving my younger brother to an activity, he looked up at me and said: “I don’t know how you dealt with how angry mommy was at you that first week after you came home!  I know I would have yelled at her . . . .” and he continued on his train of thought.  It was a blessing to my heart to know that my efforts had not only calmed the situation with my mother, but my younger siblings also saw it and it was a testimony to them!

Say to God,
“How awesome are Your works!
Through the greatness of Your power
Your enemies shall submit themselves to You.
All the earth shall worship You
And sing praises to You;
They shall sing praises to Your name.”

He has sustained me and been closer to my heart than a brother.  He has also allowed me to know things that I would not normally know, and has given me hope.  Andy said over and over that hope was what would keep us going, and hope has been His gift to me in numerous ways.

Oh, bless our God, you peoples!
And make the voice of His praise to be heard,
Who keeps our soul among the living,
And does not allow our feet to be moved.

~ Jen
September 2009 Journey

When I was younger, there had also been a struggle between my parents in their marriage, which had caused me to cut off my spirit from them, to build up walls of defense, and to suffer asthma and nightmares from my fears. I had sought acceptance in other people and possessions, which had caused me to not only lack the trust I needed for my parents, but to hold back from fully trusting God.

The Breaking Point

As this realization dawned upon me, I broke down and wept on the floor where we had all knelt to pray in groups of 3 or 4. My team leader, sensing that God was doing a work in my heart, led me away to talk in private. Over the course of the next 2 hours, she helped me identify 30 lies I believed, 20 painful memories I was suffering from, and 5 different fears that were affecting my health.

That day my eyes were opened to the bondage that I had been in for so many years. I experienced a new freedom as I prayed asking God to take back the ground I had surrendered. I was able to fully forgive my offenders and to develop a new love for them, and a desire to serve and bless them!

Dying Leaves are More Beautiful

This amazing event set the stage for the rest of my Journey! I found that my heart was open to examination as I studied the different heart conditions. I was able to pray for others with a whole new love for them! I saw God use me to encourage and disciple many other girls throughout the time there, and to cry out to Him without fear of what others would think. There was a whole new awareness of His promptings, and the ability to hear His voice like never before! Most of all, I learned to understand the pain of others who were in similar bondage to what I had been in.

God showed me how to understand the hurts of another and to care for them! He broke me one night as I was spending time alone with Him under the stars. I wept for a girl I had known who was experiencing much more than I had ever experienced, but was held by the chains I had been in.

Throughout the week, as I observed the beauty of the colorful leaves on the trees, I was reminded continually by our team leader that the leaves were beautiful, yet they were dying! I saw that just as dying leaves are more beautiful than those that are alive, so we as believers are required to die to self and to be on fire for the Lord, in order to achieve the greatest beauty.

Just Three Days

As we prepared to leave journey and come back home, I was encouraged to go back and make disciples, to grow in the Lord, and to do great works for His kingdom. I could never have imagined just what awesome things God would do in so short a time!

The first full day back home, God brought a young lady across our path to meet with us regularly for discipleship. That same day, my sister and I decided that God would have us bring a team of girls we were discipling back to a journey next year. He has already provided several who are interested!

The second day proved to be a little more challenging. Mr. Garvin had taught us a valuable lesson on sharing the gospel with lost souls, shortly before the journey ended. We were at the park with some friends, when I decided to put to practice a little of what he had placed before us. In the past, I had always handed out tracts, and had actually shared the gospel with four little children and an older woman. Yet each time my conversation had never been more than just a few minutes long and I had always been so fearful during the whole presentation.

This time, however, I felt led to give a tract I had with me to a young man who was up on the hill smoking and texting on his cell phone. I was a little nervous, but I felt very strongly that God wanted me to do this. To my surprise, he was friendly and after handing him the tract and asking a few questions, we started a rather lengthy conversation. About 20 minutes later he started opening up and sharing about his life. He professed to be saved, but didn’t know much about the Bible at all, even to know if he was saved by works or by faith. I was able to share with him a lot about the Word, and to present 49 Commands of Christ to him. He became so interested that He wrote down the IBLP website so that he could check out some of the materials and learn more about the commands of Christ. He also showed much interest in attending our church!

I keep wondering what would have happened if I had disobeyed God’s voice and had failed to be a vessel through which His love could shine to someone so spiritually hungry.

The third day God impressed upon me this question: “If I don’t know the 49 commands of Christ and if I am not living them all out in obedience to Him, then how can I effectively teach them to those whom I am discipling?” That night I began to work on the first command and to apply it to my life.

As I went to bed, I prepared a passage of Scripture from Philippians 2 to quote and meditate upon. God gave me so many significant insights even as I was falling asleep that I could write down the next morning. He also showed me two books He wanted me to write concerning two areas of bondage that I have found freedom in.

As I went to sleep, I dreamed about a man of God who was competing in a race. And as he sought to do his best, God faithfully rewarded him by allowing him to win! When I woke up, there was a post on the Living the Journey website, about running our race successfully as a champion runner. It was like God reaffirmed to me that He has set the narrow way before me, and that now there is nothing holding me back from trusting Him fully and from running with all my strength to win!

When I was in bondage to bitterness, and when I chose to believe Satan’s lies, the chains kept me from running to win. But now I have been offered another chance to run without anything holding me back. God is so gracious and merciful! Even now He has already given me such a new heart for Him, so that when temptation comes (and it has been so less frequent) I can easily and victoriously overcome it by the strength of Jesus Christ!

Each person must come to a place where Jesus is everything to them. For me, this is just beginning!

~ Sarah
September 2009 Girls Journey

I have made a good friend who was raised in a Christian home. However, he had slowly begun to follow after the world. One night in my room he opened up to me and shared some things he had been struggling with like bad relationships with girls, partying, alcohol, and anger he had toward people in his past. He also had a lot of resentment toward his mom, who had been a minister for several years. He thought that she was overbearing and unreasonable in her standards and he was holding that against her.

That night I prayed for him and recommended that he share all those things with his parents. At first he was very closed to the idea of telling his parents about all of his faults. Then I shared my testimony with him about my Journey to the Heart and the amazing release I received after I told my parents the deepest things I was struggling with. He still was not convinced that night but I continued explaining the importance of being under Godly authority and showed him that God honors those who honor their parents.

Finally, he decided to call his mom and ask her forgiveness for his resentment. He also told her all the things he had done in his past with girls and alcohol and anger. Now his relationship with his mom is restored, he is reading his Bible every morning before class, and he is resolving the past issues he had with girls! He has also stopped drinking and partying.

I love knowing that if you obey the Lord he will show you the best things for your life!

~ Drew
June 2008 Guys Journey

At the beginning of the week I began praying and asking God to give me the two desires of my heart which were to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to ultimately honor my Daddy. In my mind I thought that if I could learn how to truly honor my Daddy, then he would love me more and show more affection to me.

As the week went on, I started to study my pride and selfishness and really ask God to reveal those shortcomings to me. As I searched God’s Word and daily prayed that God would bless my Daddy, I asked Him to give my dad the desire to pursue me and have more open love towards me and better communication. God suddenly turned the light on and I realized that I was asking for these things out of selfishness.

The next night we watched a powerful video called “The Father’s Love Letter.” God really spoke to me through the video and showed me that no matter how much affection my earthly father expresses or doesn’t express to me, my Heavenly Father will always love me more then anyone else in this world. I am now able to humbly bless my Daddy in knowing that if I give all of my love to God, He will give some of it back to my Daddy to love me with.

God has truly used this situation to strengthen my love and personal relationship with Jesus and even with my Daddy. I now have the freedom to love my Daddy without the selfish desires of trying to gaining his love in return, and ultimately focusing on loving the Lord with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength.

~ Joanna
June 2008 Girls’ Journey