Living the Journey

Come and hear, all you who fear God,
And I will declare what He has done for my soul.

A month before I came to the Journey to the Heart, life at my home was falling apart. Problems that had been discreetly covered over in public life were causing so much anger and pain that life was almost unbearable.

I grew up in the Philippines. I loved the people, loved the ministry, and loved seeing so much of God. His hand was working in troubled lives through the testimonies we shared with one another. He was ever present and always sufficient. As I got older, the cares of living caught up with me, people and relationships became more tangled and I began to put God farther and farther down on my list. He became so common that I took Him for granted.

Then our whole ministry came crashing to pieces.

Ugly problems that had been working in secret finally surfaced. My father sat me and my older brother down and said: “We are leaving.” The only thing that came to my mind was that this was some king of cruel joke.  It could not be happening.  It was not possible.

It was true.

In one month our entire lives were packed into boxes and I found myself in a foreign country (but my passport said it was “home”) where I knew little more than the geography and the language . . . and little of that.

For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;

The next year I spent much time working on my own to survive. I waded through the morass of teen life trying desperately to salvage some sort of meaning. The mission climate I had been accustomed to made “teen problems” seem shallow. I buried myself in books to find some life wherein I could understand people, where life had meaning, and where my wounds wouldn’t hurt so badly. I sunk so deep into depression that I would wonder why I even wanted to remain alive.  Into my vortex of pain, God began to tenderly turn me toward Him.

Come and see the works of God;
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men.
He turned the sea into dry land;
They went through the river on foot.
There we will rejoice in Him.

In 2008, during a session with Teen Pact, they gave a time for personal prayer and meditation. For the first time in about 4 years, I was able to still my mind and I asked God if I could ever go back to the Philippines (my life goal, basically). Suddenly, almost like a physical touch, I heard the word “Here.” “Here?” I asked. “Why here? continue reading…

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This past week concluded my second Journey to the Heart. God met me unexpectedly the first day. I suddenly became aware of what had been holding me back from fully experiencing God’s power! As a young child, I had been rejected/pushed away by my parents, and although they had confessed and repented of this many times, I had harbored a lot of bitterness towards them and many others who had hurt me deeply over the years.

When I was younger, there had also been a struggle between my parents in their marriage, which had caused me to cut off my spirit from them, to build up walls of defense, and to suffer asthma and nightmares from my fears. I had sought acceptance in other people and possessions, which had caused me to not only lack the trust I needed for my parents, but to hold back from fully trusting God.

The Breaking Point

As this realization dawned upon me, I broke down and wept on the floor where we had all knelt to pray in groups of 3 or 4. My team leader, sensing that God was doing a work in my heart, led me away to talk in private. Over the course of the next 2 hours, she helped me identify 30 lies I believed, 20 painful memories I was suffering from, and 5 different fears that were affecting my health.

That day my eyes were opened to the bondage that I had been in for so many years. I experienced a new freedom as I prayed asking God to take back the ground I had surrendered. I was able to fully forgive my offenders and to develop a new love for them, and a desire to serve and bless them!

Dying Leaves are More Beautiful

This amazing event set the stage for the rest of my Journey! I found that my heart was open to examination as I studied the different heart conditions. I was able to pray for others with a whole new love for them! I saw God use me to encourage and disciple many other girls throughout the time there, and to cry out to Him without fear of what others would think. There was a whole new awareness of His promptings, and the ability to hear His voice like never before! Most of all, I learned to understand the pain of others who were in similar bondage to what I had been in.

God showed me how to understand the hurts of another and to care for them! He broke me one night as I was spending time alone with Him under the stars. I wept for a girl I had known who was experiencing much more than I had ever experienced, but was held by the chains I had been in.

Throughout the week, as I observed the beauty of the colorful leaves on the trees, I was reminded continually by our team leader that the leaves were beautiful, yet they were dying! I saw that just as dying leaves are more beautiful than those that are alive, so we as believers are required to die to self and to be on fire for the Lord, in order to achieve the greatest beauty.
continue reading…

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It’s so much fun to watch the Lord work in other people’s lives!

I have made a good friend who was raised in a Christian home. However, he had slowly begun to follow after the world. One night in my room he opened up to me and shared some things he had been struggling with like bad relationships with girls, partying, alcohol, and anger he had toward people in his past. He also had a lot of resentment toward his mom, who had been a minister for several years. He thought that she was overbearing and unreasonable in her standards and he was holding that against her.

That night I prayed for him and recommended that he share all those things with his parents. At first he was very closed to the idea of telling his parents about all of his faults. Then I shared my testimony with him about my Journey to the Heart and the amazing release I received after I told my parents the deepest things I was struggling with. He still was not convinced that night but I continued explaining the importance of being under Godly authority and showed him that God honors those who honor their parents.

Finally, he decided to call his mom and ask her forgiveness for his resentment. He also told her all the things he had done in his past with girls and alcohol and anger. Now his relationship with his mom is restored, he is reading his Bible every morning before class, and he is resolving the past issues he had with girls! He has also stopped drinking and partying.

I love knowing that if you obey the Lord he will show you the best things for your life!

~ Drew
June 2008 Guys Journey

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At the beginning of the week I began praying and asking God to give me the two desires of my heart which were to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to ultimately honor my Daddy. In my mind I thought that if I could learn how to truly honor my Daddy, then he would love me more and show more affection to me.

As the week went on, I started to study my pride and selfishness and really ask God to reveal those shortcomings to me. As I searched God’s Word and daily prayed that God would bless my Daddy, I asked Him to give my dad the desire to pursue me and have more open love towards me and better communication. God suddenly turned the light on and I realized that I was asking for these things out of selfishness.

The next night we watched a powerful video called “The Father’s Love Letter.” God really spoke to me through the video and showed me that no matter how much affection my earthly father expresses or doesn’t express to me, my Heavenly Father will always love me more then anyone else in this world. I am now able to humbly bless my Daddy in knowing that if I give all of my love to God, He will give some of it back to my Daddy to love me with.

God has truly used this situation to strengthen my love and personal relationship with Jesus and even with my Daddy. I now have the freedom to love my Daddy without the selfish desires of trying to gaining his love in return, and ultimately focusing on loving the Lord with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength.

~ Joanna
June 2008 Girls’ Journey

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