Living the Journey

Come and hear, all you who fear God,
And I will declare what He has done for my soul.

A month before I came to the Journey to the Heart, life at my home was falling apart. Problems that had been discreetly covered over in public life were causing so much anger and pain that life was almost unbearable.

I grew up in the Philippines. I loved the people, loved the ministry, and loved seeing so much of God. His hand was working in troubled lives through the testimonies we shared with one another. He was ever present and always sufficient. As I got older, the cares of living caught up with me, people and relationships became more tangled and I began to put God farther and farther down on my list. He became so common that I took Him for granted.

Then our whole ministry came crashing to pieces.

Ugly problems that had been working in secret finally surfaced. My father sat me and my older brother down and said: “We are leaving.” The only thing that came to my mind was that this was some king of cruel joke.  It could not be happening.  It was not possible.

It was true.

In one month our entire lives were packed into boxes and I found myself in a foreign country (but my passport said it was “home”) where I knew little more than the geography and the language . . . and little of that.

For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;

The next year I spent much time working on my own to survive. I waded through the morass of teen life trying desperately to salvage some sort of meaning. The mission climate I had been accustomed to made “teen problems” seem shallow. I buried myself in books to find some life wherein I could understand people, where life had meaning, and where my wounds wouldn’t hurt so badly. I sunk so deep into depression that I would wonder why I even wanted to remain alive.  Into my vortex of pain, God began to tenderly turn me toward Him.

Come and see the works of God;
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men.
He turned the sea into dry land;
They went through the river on foot.
There we will rejoice in Him.

In 2008, during a session with Teen Pact, they gave a time for personal prayer and meditation. For the first time in about 4 years, I was able to still my mind and I asked God if I could ever go back to the Philippines (my life goal, basically). Suddenly, almost like a physical touch, I heard the word “Here.” “Here?” I asked. “Why here? continue reading…

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Rebecca’s time alone with God each day was nourishing, but dry. She had heard about others who delighted in God’s Word and prayer like “peaches and cream,” but wasn’t really sure if she would ever feel that way. On her recent Journey to the Heart she experienced God’s presence and developed a greater delight in God’s Word than she ever had before. The important truths she discovered took her relationship with God to a whole new level.

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~ Rebecca
July 2009 Girls Journey

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August 19th one year ago marks the largest turning point in my life. It was on that day that, while on a Journey to the Heart, God pulled on my heart and convicted me to call my earthly father about a sin I had been hiding for years. In my journal that day, I wrote two sentences:

“August 19th, 2008: On this day, I begin a new path towards moral freedom.”

“O God who made these trees, let this moment be the title page of a new beginning.”

Little did I know how much God would fulfill those two statements of my heart. His method was simple: take my life, flip it upside down, and shake me out. Then flip me back over and fill my cup with His presence—His continual presence. Here are the three major areas He has affected the most in my life.

God’s Word is Living

Prior to Journey to the Heart, I never read my Bible. Never. I didn’t want to. I felt nothing when I did, and seriously doubted its inerrancy. I read many books on why the Bible was reliable, but the more I read, the more I doubted it. I liked Aquinas and Plato better, who gave logical reasons for what they stated, as opposed to the Apostle Paul’s way of stating spiritual matters as facts without any backing but Jesus’ work on the cross.

While as Journey to the heart, I discovered why the Bible is trusted by so many: it speaks to man’s heart. Read the Psalms and the words of Jesus, and one sees a depth that touches the weaknesses of man’s humanity like no psychologist ever could.

God’s Way of Life is Freedom

One year ago, I could have written St. Augustine word for word:

“But I was an unhappy young man, wretched as at the beginning of my adolescence when I prayed you for chastity and said: ‘Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet.’ I was afraid you might hear my prayer quickly, and that you might too rapidly heal me of the disease of lust which I preferred to satisfy rather than suppress.”
(Confessions, VIII. vii)

Yet right now, comparing now to a year ago, I cannot remember the last time I lusted like I had before Journey. I cannot take any credit for this at all. It is an uphill struggle every day, and it takes but a moment to fall. But most of all God has remained faithful to me, in turning my heart towards Him and away from the lusts of the flesh. He has taught me His way of freedom, to live for Him and not for myself.

My father calls this concept the “spit-in-the-face theory” while the Apostle Paul calls it “dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” The concept is the same: what I do is not conditioned upon what others do to me or what I want to do, but only upon what Christ has said is best to do. If someone shows me love, I show them love back because Christ commands it. If someone spits in my face, I show them love back because Christ commands it. My identity, and therefore my actions, aren’t circumstantial to this world, because my Master isn’t in this world, only in me.
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I wanted to come to the Journey to the Heart so that I could get to know Jesus more intimately. What I didn’t realize is that God wanted to know me and He desired to pursue relationship with me. I had been meditating on this verse in the beginning of the week: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). I asked the Lord to remove anything from my life that would hinder me from being completely free to love Him with my whole heart.

Sure enough, the Spirit of God spoke to me and pointed out to me the things that I needed to make right. I have returned home with a list from God of people I need to ask forgiveness from, things I need to talk to my parents about, and other people I need to talk to. Now I am discovering how to walk in the light, have a clear conscience, and to be a mighty man of God.

More than that, the Lord is revealing Himself to me in ways I could not have imagined. He is opening up my eyes to His word and showing me insights by His Spirit. I am learning how to communicate with Jesus and how to recognize His voice. It wasn’t until I went to a quiet place and honestly opened myself to the Lord that I began to hear from Him. He answered my questions and responded to my requests. And above all, I found a God who wanted me and wanted to fellowship with me.

Now I am learning what it means to live in Christ; exchanging His life for mine. I no longer live for Christ, but Christ is my life. I am asking Him to live in me and through me to accomplish His will and His purposes. Instead of trying so hard to be a Christian, I am trusting Christ to be my all in all. Now God can do through me what I think is impossible because He is free to be all that He is. As I die, Christ lives.

God used “Journey to the Heart” to rekindle my relationship with Him. I am encouraged to daily meditate on His word and seek His face. Thank you, Jesus!

~ Timothy
July 2008 Guys Journey

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When I first arrived at the Journey, I felt pretty out of touch with God. I wasn’t spending time in His Word and I thought God would never speak to me. I also was listening to rock music and watching a lot of worldly movies as well as struggling with impure thoughts. I was walking with the world and not like a Christian. I tried reading the Bible more but the cares of the world were always choking it out.

I had to surrender the desire for the approval of the world as well as the pleasures of sin. I have to chose the narrow way. God doesn’t want me to look like the world. I decided to give up movies and music of the world and all competing affections that came between between me and God.

I heard from God on this Journey. God revealed to me that I needed to be spending significantly more time in His Word. How can I witness to other people if I don’t even have my own salvation nailed down and confirmed with scripture? God can’t speak to me unless I am listening.

Overall, I had a great Journey and God blessed our time. Thank you!

~ Ryan
June 2008 Guys’ Journey

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A Painful Memory

In December 1964, after completing nine and a half months of service in Vietnam, I arrived at Travis Air Force Base in Bolero, CA. It was Christmas Eve, and I was anxious see my wife and be home for Christmas.

As I left the base to catch a bus, a group of war protesters threw rotten fruit and eggs at us, calling us baby-killers. I wanted to break their heads but was restrained by the military police. I was deeply crushed because there seemed to be no appreciation back at home for the soldiers who were sacrificing their lives for their country. This caused me to become very bitter.

An Explosion of Anger

In 1971 in Globe, AZ, I was driving up a narrow street on a steep hill when I was met by someone in another vehicle on my side of the road. The road was too steep to back up so he began to curse me and give naughty waves.

In anger, I got out of my truck and walked up to his car. He quickly locked the doors and rolled up the windows. I grabbed the door handle and pulled it right off the car. My next thought was to smash the window with the handle, break his head with it, and then drag him out through the window. I could see the terror in his eyes.

But in that instant, God spoke to my heart and told me to stop. Somehow, I controlled my anger, apologized, and got back in my truck. After that incident, I realized I had a serious problem with anger. Yet instead of properly dealing with it, I only sank deeper into my bitterness, anger, and depression, fighting suicidal and violent thoughts.

Freedom from Bitterness

Early in 1975, I attended the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar in Fort Worth, TX after hearing the testimony of an alumnus. Mr. Bill Gothard talked about one area in which I knew I needed tremendous help—overcoming bitterness.

Through the teachings about Jesus Christ and His power to reconstruct lives, I was able to overcome bitterness and forgive the offensive war protesters, as well as a nation who I felt had betrayed all Vietnam War veterans. There is now healing instead of hurt.

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