” My life-long journey of seeking to know God started last year when I dedicated my life to Christ while I was on the “Journey to the Heart”. Since then, although I have found that it isn’t an easy journey…but I have found it to be the most rewarding and exciting journey ever! I’ve found this journey to be an uphill climb, full of challenges as “rocks and roots” seem to spring out of nowhere, trying to trap me into believing lies and fill me with discouragement, ultimately, trying to make me fall and give up. I truly believe that the last thing Satan wants is to see us living victorious lives and finishing well. I also believe that he is going to try everything in his power to stop us.
When I signed up to go on the “Journey to the Heart”, I knew little of how God would use it in my life. Up until that point, I truly thought that I was a Christian, because I had grown up in a Christian family and I had said the sinners prayer when I was 3 years old. Despite that, I did not have a personal relationship with God. Everything I said and did was out of tradition and what was expected of me. It was during my “Journey to the Heart”, that God showed me who He was and little by little tore down the walls I had built up around my heart. Throughout my life, due to some difficult circumstances I had always thought that I wasn’t a sinner.
Instead, I would look at the crimes others had committed against me and say “those are the sinners… me?… are you kidding!” It wasn’t until I forgave the people who had hurt me that God showed me I was a sinner in need of His forgiveness. While on my Journey, I fully surrendered and dedicated my life to Christ. As a result, I now have a personal relationship with God and since then, He has shown me that my life purpose is to know Him and to make Him known!
It saddens me to think of all the years that I have wasted and all the
things God had to bring me through to reach this point. Despite that, I know that He has a plan and purpose for everything! “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
It is difficult for me to put in a few paragraphs all the things God has done in my heart and in my life since I was dropped off at the airport to return home. When I was dropped off at the airport I was very scared not knowing what to expect and not knowing what awaited me when I walked off the plane. To make me feel even more uncomfortable… the man sitting beside me on the plane was viewing pornography on his Blackberry. Despite that, God overflowed me with peace beyond understanding and I could literally feel a huge bubble of protection circle around me. God surrounded and spoke words of comfort, hope, peace and love to me. It was when I gave Him all my concerns, fears and worries that I realized without any doubt that He was sending me where I needed to be most of all!
The next morning after returning home… my dad woke everyone (even the baby) up at 5:30 am for a family Wisdom Search. This was the first time we had devotions in many, many years. Surprisingly, since that morning nine months ago, this has continued on, on a consistent basis. I am in awe! To God be the glory and praise! When I was younger and we did family devotions and went to church I would be very angry because of the level of hypocrisy and the thick masks that we would put on in front of ourselves and others. There was nothing real about us. We were one family at home and a completely different picture perfect family at church. It literally tore me to pieces and taught me to live a life of pretending.
At Headquarters God literally tore off every single mask I was wearing. He showed me that because He is REAL, I have the freedom to be real and allow others to see who I really am. Now as a person who is wholly and holy committed to God, I no longer need to hide and pretend. I am alive!
A few months ago I was asked to speak at a ladies outreach ministry. After much prayer, I felt God was calling me to share my testimony and some of the pain and struggles I have dealt with. While I was speaking not only did I see people sitting on the edge of their chairs, I saw wounded hearts needy of God’s healing and forgiveness. As a result of that opportunity, I have had the joy of seeing God touch and open the hearts of many woman.
Since then I have been asked to be the main speaker at a young girls camp this summer. I feel so inadequate… but in that inadequacy I believe God has called me to be “a prophet unto nations” (Jeremiah 1: 4-10)…“for such a time as this!” (Esther 4:14).
In the meantime, I have started training as a receptionist for my father’s
office. My father has previously hurt me in the past and this is the hardest
thing I have ever done! Yet despite that, I have never felt more strongly
that this is what I am supposed to be doing. God has clearly shown me that He wants me to dedicate this next year to serve and bless my father,
honoring him for who he is as a God given authority figure in my life. Since
I have started to work in his office, I have had this overwhelming burden to pray for my father as I work. Over the past month, as I have done this,
there have been several times my father has stopped in the middle of our
Wisdom Search’s to confess and to ask forgiveness for different things.
Although the emotional pain due to the things that have happened in the past is still very great, I know God has done a miracle in my heart and is
healing it. Right now I am learning to relate to my earthly dad through God, instead of relating to God through my earthly dad.
I am traveling on the road less traveled, which makes my journey long and
steep. Despite that, I can whole heartily say with the hymn writer “It will
be worth it all when we see Christ!” The Lord is my strength and my
sufficiency!
“He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might
he increaseth strength. Even the youth shall faint and be weary, and the
young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:29-31)
It is my desire is to live a life that is so radically different from others, that I will be able to make an eternal difference in the lives of every single person I meet! This can only be done by living in the reality of my life purpose, to know Him and make Him known! I want to praise and thank the Lord for the work He is doing and has done in my life. He has rescued and redeemed me from a pit and has put my feet on a rock! “The Lord is good and only does good! Blessed be the name of the Lord!”
~Jessica
September 2007 Journey to the Heart
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Before the Journey, I was an average American Christian. I had prayed and even had some good fruit, but I wasn’t growing. I wanted to do great things spiritually, but I did not know how.
