Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

Why Here?

Come and hear, all you who fear God,
And I will declare what He has done for my soul.

"Problems that had been discreetly covered over in public life were causing so much anger and pain that life was almost unbearable."A month before I came to the Journey to the Heart, life at my home was falling apart. Problems that had been discreetly covered over in public life were causing so much anger and pain that life was almost unbearable.

I grew up in the Philippines. I loved the people, loved the ministry, and loved seeing so much of God. His hand was working in troubled lives through the testimonies we shared with one another. He was ever present and always sufficient. As I got older, the cares of living caught up with me, people and relationships became more tangled and I began to put God farther and farther down on my list. He became so common that I took Him for granted.

Then our whole ministry came crashing to pieces.

Ugly problems that had been working in secret finally surfaced. My father sat me and my older brother down and said: “We are leaving.” The only thing that came to my mind was that this was some king of cruel joke.  It could not be happening.  It was not possible.

It was true.

In one month our entire lives were packed into boxes and I found myself in a foreign country (but my passport said it was “home”) where I knew little more than the geography and the language . . . and little of that.

For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;

"I waded through the morass of teen life trying desperately to salvage some sort of meaning."The next year I spent much time working on my own to survive. I waded through the morass of teen life trying desperately to salvage some sort of meaning. The mission climate I had been accustomed to made “teen problems” seem shallow. I buried myself in books to find some life wherein I could understand people, where life had meaning, and where my wounds wouldn’t hurt so badly. I sunk so deep into depression that I would wonder why I even wanted to remain alive.  Into my vortex of pain, God began to tenderly turn me toward Him.

Come and see the works of God;
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men.
He turned the sea into dry
land;
They went through the river on foot.
There we will rejoice in Him.

In 2008, during a session with Teen Pact, they gave a time for personal prayer and meditation. For the first time in about 4 years, I was able to still my mind and I asked God if I could ever go back to the Philippines (my life goal, basically). Suddenly, almost like a physical touch, I heard the word “Here.” “Here?” I asked. “Why here? continue reading…

How Truth Brought Freedom

BenThe anger, bitterness, depression, and thoughts of suicide that Ben experienced, along with narcolepsy and related medical conditions, were traced back to physical abuse that he experienced in his childhood.

Wrong Responses

Ben responded with anger and bitterness, along with closing people off and not trusting anyone. He built up skills in fighting so that he could fight back.

Then came the lies: “I am a failure. God hates me. I am worthless. Life is not worth living.”

Deepening Stresses

At fifteen, Ben began to have a problem with lust. Because it was left unchecked, this led to secretly listening to rock music. He then got caught up in pornography.

Depression set in and he struggled with thoughts of suicide. One day when he was twenty, he loaded a gun and walked out to the back pasture to end it all. His father stopped him, but he continued to listen to rock music whenever he could.

Ben’s desire was to be free, and he tried many things in his own flesh. However, he could not find freedom, because he was too proud to tell his father everything about his past failures. Soon things started going wrong again and even got worse.

How the Truth Set Him Free

When Ben arrived at his Journey, he had two goals: to conquer lust and to deepen his walk with God.

He writes: “The very first day, some of the fellows from a previous Journey shared how sin’s strength was in its secrecy. God really spoke to me through these guys and their willingness to confess secret sins to their parents. Finally, I called my dad and told him everything. At that point, I was free!

“I then realized that I had to take away the things that were influencing me toward the world. I thought my music was OK and the movies that I watched were OK. I was so wrong!

“Now, as I’m home, I am able to flee when temptations come. God has given me His grace. I’ve had a new boldness to witness. I also made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at pornography in any form. It has been amazing to be so free!”

~ Ben
March 2009 Guys Journey

What to Do When You’re Off the Mountaintop

Ken Pierpont

What do you do when you reach a spiritual low point? How do you keep from becoming discouraged and losing heart? With passionate exhortation, practical application, and memorable illustrations, pastor Ken Pierpont of Evangel Baptist Church, unveils how glorifying God keeps us from burning out on the journey and allows us to enjoy life to the fullest.

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    A Journey of Freedom

    I had begun to go into depression. I realized that I couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore. Bit by bit, I lost my desire to even try to make a difference. I didn’t want to wake up and face another day of pain…

    …The result of the Journey was life changing. God revealed to me the reason why I was depressed and also how to deal with it. I now have answers.

    ~ Cullen
    March 2008 Guys’ Journey