Living the Journey

A Painful Memory

In December 1964, after completing nine and a half months of service in Vietnam, I arrived at Travis Air Force Base in Bolero, CA. It was Christmas Eve, and I was anxious see my wife and be home for Christmas.

As I left the base to catch a bus, a group of war protesters threw rotten fruit and eggs at us, calling us baby-killers. I wanted to break their heads but was restrained by the military police. I was deeply crushed because there seemed to be no appreciation back at home for the soldiers who were sacrificing their lives for their country. This caused me to become very bitter.

An Explosion of Anger

In 1971 in Globe, AZ, I was driving up a narrow street on a steep hill when I was met by someone in another vehicle on my side of the road. The road was too steep to back up so he began to curse me and give naughty waves.

In anger, I got out of my truck and walked up to his car. He quickly locked the doors and rolled up the windows. I grabbed the door handle and pulled it right off the car. My next thought was to smash the window with the handle, break his head with it, and then drag him out through the window. I could see the terror in his eyes.

But in that instant, God spoke to my heart and told me to stop. Somehow, I controlled my anger, apologized, and got back in my truck. After that incident, I realized I had a serious problem with anger. Yet instead of properly dealing with it, I only sank deeper into my bitterness, anger, and depression, fighting suicidal and violent thoughts.

Freedom from Bitterness

Early in 1975, I attended the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar in Fort Worth, TX after hearing the testimony of an alumnus. Mr. Bill Gothard talked about one area in which I knew I needed tremendous help—overcoming bitterness.

Through the teachings about Jesus Christ and His power to reconstruct lives, I was able to overcome bitterness and forgive the offensive war protesters, as well as a nation who I felt had betrayed all Vietnam War veterans. There is now healing instead of hurt.

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As a child, I felt a lot of rejection from my family. Though they showed me lots of affection, they were very busy with many other things. I sought for that affection in other ways, lost my trust in my Dad, and became very independent and rebellious. I told myself that I was tough enough to make my way in the world and refused to ever cry or talk about my problems. Pain built up because I had no way to let it out in a controlled fashion. I became bitter, felt rejection easily, and reacted to my sister and my parents.

I came on the Journey and promised myself I would not change. When I arrived I looked for people like me, but God gave me a team with strong godly girls who pulled me up. One night we watched the Father’s Love Letter. I was trying not to cry when my friend encouraged me to be open with God. I prayed with her and then felt the Lord prompting me to go talk to my sister, who is younger then I. We were able to resolve deep-rooted conflicts and I was free to surrender to the Lord the biggest thing that was competing with my love for Him. I now have a new freedom and sense of fearlessness!

~ Hannah
June 2008 Girls Journey

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