Living the Journey

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I came to the Journey knowing that there were struggles in my life that needed to be resolved. At the top of the list was my bitterness towards my father.

Before we left Headquarters for the Northwoods, I was challenged to give the expectations I had of my father to the Lord. I was also encouraged to find ten benefits from my situation . . . then a few more . . . and I needed to ask the Lord to bless my father with the character qualities he was lacking.

I wasn’t too sure I could think of that many benefits, but as I went outside to spend some time alone, one benefit in particular kept taking over my thoughts. The Lord God Almighty—the Creator of heaven and earth and my Heavenly Father—was teaching me to fully rely on Him for the security, comfort, acceptance, love, and everything else that my heart desired so greatly. He was the only one who could fulfill those roles completely. As I began to ask the Lord to bless my father, a huge weight left me.

On Tuesday, our team spent the morning outside enjoying the beauty of God’s creation and studying about the murmuring heart. I was very convicted and later called home to ask my father’s forgiveness.

For many years I had experienced doubts about my salvation, which were probably a result of the bitterness I had been harboring. Now that this bitterness was resolved, I had a renewed impression upon my heart to get rebaptized.

I understood that baptism is not necessary for salvation. However, I realized that if I humbled myself through this baptism and openly acknowledged that Jesus Christ was the Lord of my life (no matter what others might think), then my doubts would leave.

I talked over the phone with my parents and they both said it would be fine, although my mom strongly urged me to pray for a rhema. During our day of delighting in the Lord I was seeking a really special verse, but the only verse that I felt impressed to meditate on was Proverbs 30:5. To be honest, I didn’t exactly see the relevance of this particular verse. However, my team listened to Jim Sammons share about meditating on one verse each week, so this became my verse.

When Saturday morning came and still I didn’t seem to have a rhema, or so I thought, I prayed and gave the whole request to God, since it seemed that I had run out of time. Right before the meeting that night, my team leader asked if I was getting baptized. I said that I didn’t think so . . . but God does amazing things!

During the meeting, Bob Norvell shared how to continue living what we had learned during the journey. Close to the end, he started quoting a verse. It was Proverbs 30:5: “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.” It seemed Mr. Norvell was looking straight at me during the whole verse. Then the Lord said to me, “There you go. This is your answer. Trust me and be baptized.” Wow! I was very nervous, but He kept assuring me, “I am a shield to those who trust in Me.’”

So that night I was baptized at the lake, under the stars, and as I came up and walked out of the water the Lord took away all of those doubts and fears! Hallelujah, praise His name!!

~ Crystal
July 2009 Girls’ Journey

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Nicole closely guarded her secret for a whole year! Three times a day she would eat a meal, and three times a day she would purge it from her stomach. At first she felt guilty, but soon it became a normal part of her day.

When Nicole heard about the Journey to the Heart, she wanted to go. However, she purposed that she would not get rid of her eating disorder, nor would she forgive the trusted family friend who had deeply offended her a year earlier and triggered her food addiction.

During the Journey orientation, she learned how to have a whole new response to the one who had offended her. This included asking God to bless that person with the qualities that he was obviously missing, such as repentance, truthfulness, self-control, genuine love, etc.

While on the July 2009 Girls’ Journey, Nicole was impacted as she learned about a fearful heart. She learned that the power of sin is in its secrecy, and she had to call home and confess to her parents what she was doing and why she was doing it.

She was fearful because she did not think that her parents would understand. However, the very next day the one who had offended her called up and confessed what he had done—a year earlier. This was an amazing evidence of God’s response to the verbal blessing of Nicole.

Since the Journey, Nicole has not only experienced great freedom in being open with her parents, but she no longer has the urge to continue her eating disorder.

A doctor interviewed Nicole and exclaimed, “To the medical world, it would be a miracle to instantly stop the kind of eating disorder that Nicole had.”

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The house was in an uproar. Two gold chains lay atop a dresser in the master bedroom on the second floor of the house. The usual wearer of those chains was nowhere to be found. Something was wrong, very wrong. The person to whom those two necklaces belonged to never ever took them off, unless she absolutely had to do so. The woman was a single mother of four: three daughters and one son.

I was the youngest daughter of Joanne, the owner of those two gold necklaces.

The police were at the house questioning my two oldest sisters, Jessica and Amy. I can’t recall what my brother was doing, but I know what I was doing. I was sitting in her room, crying. My mother was gone and I didn’t know where she was. I had just turned 11 one week prior and I could not understand the chaos in my young life.

Finally, my oldest sister, Jessica, told me that I had to go to bed. Jessica was crying, but she was trying to be strong, if for only the sake of me. Everyone in the house was worried about one thing: Mom had done what she’d been threatening to do.

I cried myself to sleep, in fear of what would happen in the morning. When morning came around, I awoke to the heart-wrenching sobs of my sisters. continue reading…

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The anger, bitterness, depression, and thoughts of suicide that Ben experienced, along with narcolepsy and related medical conditions, were traced back to physical abuse that he experienced in his childhood.

Wrong Responses

Ben responded with anger and bitterness, along with closing people off and not trusting anyone. He built up skills in fighting so that he could fight back.

Then came the lies: “I am a failure. God hates me. I am worthless. Life is not worth living.”

Deepening Stresses

At fifteen, Ben began to have a problem with lust. Because it was left unchecked, this led to secretly listening to rock music. He then got caught up in pornography.

Depression set in and he struggled with thoughts of suicide. One day when he was twenty, he loaded a gun and walked out to the back pasture to end it all. His father stopped him, but he continued to listen to rock music whenever he could.

Ben’s desire was to be free, and he tried many things in his own flesh. However, he could not find freedom, because he was too proud to tell his father everything about his past failures. Soon things started going wrong again and even got worse.

How the Truth Set Him Free

When Ben arrived at his Journey, he had two goals: to conquer lust and to deepen his walk with God.

He writes: “The very first day, some of the fellows from a previous Journey shared how sin’s strength was in its secrecy. God really spoke to me through these guys and their willingness to confess secret sins to their parents. Finally, I called my dad and told him everything. At that point, I was free!

“I then realized that I had to take away the things that were influencing me toward the world. I thought my music was OK and the movies that I watched were OK. I was so wrong!

“Now, as I’m home, I am able to flee when temptations come. God has given me His grace. I’ve had a new boldness to witness. I also made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at pornography in any form. It has been amazing to be so free!”

~ Ben
March 2009 Guys Journey

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For many years I struggled with bitterness towards several people who had deeply offended my family. As a result, I had grown apathetic towards God and unconcerned for others. Conflicts often resulted because of my pride. Seeing the spiritual needs in my life, my parents encouraged me to take some time to seek the Lord on a Journey of the Heart.

As I flipped through the pages of the Journey manual, I didn’t think that I was guilty of any of the bad heart conditions that were explained in it. As the days went by, however, I became more and more convinced of just how sinful I had been. Not only did I have a prideful and murmuring heart towards God’s people, I also had an adulterous heart. Through salvation I had entered a covenant marriage relationship with Jesus Christ, but I had allowed other relationships to compete with my love for him. I had been expecting benefits from these relationships that only God could give, such as security, direction, and fulfillment in life. I had set this idol in my heart and depended more on it then I did on God.

I immediately asked God for forgiveness. I gave Him my competing affections so that nothing could take my attention from Him again. I confessed everything to my parents. The hardest thing was asking forgiveness of those whom I had been bitter toward and verbally blessing them. For the first time I felt a joy and love towards them. My relationship with God has been completely restored!

Now I have completely surrendered my heart, soul, mind and strength to God’s will. I will not let any competing affection come between me and Him. I will delight in Him and Him alone.

~ Natalie

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Before I went to the Journey, I was withdrawn from other people and felt alone inside. My relationship with Christ was distant and not anywhere near where it should be. I had been abused for several years during my childhood and had stuffed the pain deep down inside, building a callous around my heart. I didn’t allow myself to show any emotion and had even forgotten how to cry.

Many other people had tried to help me, so when one of the Journey leaders pulled me aside, I expected her to tell me what I already knew and just deal with the symptoms. Little did I know that God was going to show Himself strong on my behalf and lead me out of this bondage of bitterness, anger, fear, confusion, lustful thoughts, and the wrong view of God which had resulted from my hurtful past.

Satan had fed me a lie that God was both good and bad. God showed me that He is good. He didn’t want bad things to happen to me. Sin caused the bad to happen, but God’s grace could turn that into something good.

God had really never left me. Oh, what unfathomable love I discovered in Christ! A love that told me of my worth to Him, a love that hurt with me, that cried with me. Oh yes! Jesus went through those hard days right with me—I was blinded and shut Him out, but now I was able to see. He was turning it all into good! I forgave my offenders and asked the Lord to help me to see them as He did. It surprised me how easy the tears came after years of bottling everything up inside. When He filled me with a love for them, I could not see their shortcomings anymore. Surely love covers a multitude of sin!

Then our team studied the “Tender Heart.” God broke me with the answer to the question, “Why Did God Let it Happen?” As the Lord revealed to my spirit from His Spirit, I began to write down the benefits of what I had been through. By the time I finished, I was in complete awe of my Lord Jesus Christ. He had captured my heart with His love, wisdom, peace, and amazing grace.

I ran to my leader with a heart full of thanksgiving, so happy that I laughed and cried at the same time. I had given my whole heart to Christ and was free from bondage. I am free! God is truly my All in All and the Lover of my Soul. Thank you, Lord, for everyone at the Journey, and thank you for showing me who Jesus wants me to be!

~ Barbara
September 2008 Girl’s Journey

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