Living the Journey

This past week concluded my second Journey to the Heart. God met me unexpectedly the first day. I suddenly became aware of what had been holding me back from fully experiencing God’s power! As a young child, I had been rejected/pushed away by my parents, and although they had confessed and repented of this many times, I had harbored a lot of bitterness towards them and many others who had hurt me deeply over the years.

When I was younger, there had also been a struggle between my parents in their marriage, which had caused me to cut off my spirit from them, to build up walls of defense, and to suffer asthma and nightmares from my fears. I had sought acceptance in other people and possessions, which had caused me to not only lack the trust I needed for my parents, but to hold back from fully trusting God.

The Breaking Point

As this realization dawned upon me, I broke down and wept on the floor where we had all knelt to pray in groups of 3 or 4. My team leader, sensing that God was doing a work in my heart, led me away to talk in private. Over the course of the next 2 hours, she helped me identify 30 lies I believed, 20 painful memories I was suffering from, and 5 different fears that were affecting my health.

That day my eyes were opened to the bondage that I had been in for so many years. I experienced a new freedom as I prayed asking God to take back the ground I had surrendered. I was able to fully forgive my offenders and to develop a new love for them, and a desire to serve and bless them!

Dying Leaves are More Beautiful

This amazing event set the stage for the rest of my Journey! I found that my heart was open to examination as I studied the different heart conditions. I was able to pray for others with a whole new love for them! I saw God use me to encourage and disciple many other girls throughout the time there, and to cry out to Him without fear of what others would think. There was a whole new awareness of His promptings, and the ability to hear His voice like never before! Most of all, I learned to understand the pain of others who were in similar bondage to what I had been in.

God showed me how to understand the hurts of another and to care for them! He broke me one night as I was spending time alone with Him under the stars. I wept for a girl I had known who was experiencing much more than I had ever experienced, but was held by the chains I had been in.

Throughout the week, as I observed the beauty of the colorful leaves on the trees, I was reminded continually by our team leader that the leaves were beautiful, yet they were dying! I saw that just as dying leaves are more beautiful than those that are alive, so we as believers are required to die to self and to be on fire for the Lord, in order to achieve the greatest beauty.
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Rachel had a serious car accident thirteen years ago. Her skull and cheekbone were crushed and a hundred pieces of glass were embedded in her head. This caused her to suffer many headaches. However, four years ago, she experienced a traumatic event in her marriage, and since then she has had a splitting headache every single day!

During the hour of prayer on Thursday evening of the Mother’s Journey to the Heart, she discovered a cause—a root of bitterness toward her husband. She confessed it to God and her husband and asked God to deliver her from all of its consequences.

The next morning she woke up without a headache. This was incredible! She felt her head to see if it was really true. All that day there was no headache. However, she was afraid to tell anyone, because she thought it might return. Sunday morning she again woke up with no headache! She realized that God had healed her. Her joy was inexpressible!

Rachel’s enthusiasm and excitement grew as she told everyone about her healing. A week later her husband affirmed that no headache had occurred since that day!

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I came to the Journey knowing that there were struggles in my life that needed to be resolved. At the top of the list was my bitterness towards my father.

Before we left Headquarters for the Northwoods, I was challenged to give the expectations I had of my father to the Lord. I was also encouraged to find ten benefits from my situation . . . then a few more . . . and I needed to ask the Lord to bless my father with the character qualities he was lacking.

I wasn’t too sure I could think of that many benefits, but as I went outside to spend some time alone, one benefit in particular kept taking over my thoughts. The Lord God Almighty—the Creator of heaven and earth and my Heavenly Father—was teaching me to fully rely on Him for the security, comfort, acceptance, love, and everything else that my heart desired so greatly. He was the only one who could fulfill those roles completely. As I began to ask the Lord to bless my father, a huge weight left me.

On Tuesday, our team spent the morning outside enjoying the beauty of God’s creation and studying about the murmuring heart. I was very convicted and later called home to ask my father’s forgiveness.

For many years I had experienced doubts about my salvation, which were probably a result of the bitterness I had been harboring. Now that this bitterness was resolved, I had a renewed impression upon my heart to get rebaptized.

I understood that baptism is not necessary for salvation. However, I realized that if I humbled myself through this baptism and openly acknowledged that Jesus Christ was the Lord of my life (no matter what others might think), then my doubts would leave.

I talked over the phone with my parents and they both said it would be fine, although my mom strongly urged me to pray for a rhema. During our day of delighting in the Lord I was seeking a really special verse, but the only verse that I felt impressed to meditate on was Proverbs 30:5. To be honest, I didn’t exactly see the relevance of this particular verse. However, my team listened to Jim Sammons share about meditating on one verse each week, so this became my verse.

When Saturday morning came and still I didn’t seem to have a rhema, or so I thought, I prayed and gave the whole request to God, since it seemed that I had run out of time. Right before the meeting that night, my team leader asked if I was getting baptized. I said that I didn’t think so . . . but God does amazing things!

During the meeting, Bob Norvell shared how to continue living what we had learned during the journey. Close to the end, he started quoting a verse. It was Proverbs 30:5: “Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.” It seemed Mr. Norvell was looking straight at me during the whole verse. Then the Lord said to me, “There you go. This is your answer. Trust me and be baptized.” Wow! I was very nervous, but He kept assuring me, “I am a shield to those who trust in Me.’”

So that night I was baptized at the lake, under the stars, and as I came up and walked out of the water the Lord took away all of those doubts and fears! Hallelujah, praise His name!!

~ Crystal
July 2009 Girls’ Journey

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Nicole closely guarded her secret for a whole year! Three times a day she would eat a meal, and three times a day she would purge it from her stomach. At first she felt guilty, but soon it became a normal part of her day.

When Nicole heard about the Journey to the Heart, she wanted to go. However, she purposed that she would not get rid of her eating disorder, nor would she forgive the trusted family friend who had deeply offended her a year earlier and triggered her food addiction.

During the Journey orientation, she learned how to have a whole new response to the one who had offended her. This included asking God to bless that person with the qualities that he was obviously missing, such as repentance, truthfulness, self-control, genuine love, etc.

While on the July 2009 Girls’ Journey, Nicole was impacted as she learned about a fearful heart. She learned that the power of sin is in its secrecy, and she had to call home and confess to her parents what she was doing and why she was doing it.

She was fearful because she did not think that her parents would understand. However, the very next day the one who had offended her called up and confessed what he had done—a year earlier. This was an amazing evidence of God’s response to the verbal blessing of Nicole.

Since the Journey, Nicole has not only experienced great freedom in being open with her parents, but she no longer has the urge to continue her eating disorder.

A doctor interviewed Nicole and exclaimed, “To the medical world, it would be a miracle to instantly stop the kind of eating disorder that Nicole had.”

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The house was in an uproar. Two gold chains lay atop a dresser in the master bedroom on the second floor of the house. The usual wearer of those chains was nowhere to be found. Something was wrong, very wrong. The person to whom those two necklaces belonged to never ever took them off, unless she absolutely had to do so. The woman was a single mother of four: three daughters and one son.

I was the youngest daughter of Joanne, the owner of those two gold necklaces.

The police were at the house questioning my two oldest sisters, Jessica and Amy. I can’t recall what my brother was doing, but I know what I was doing. I was sitting in her room, crying. My mother was gone and I didn’t know where she was. I had just turned 11 one week prior and I could not understand the chaos in my young life.

Finally, my oldest sister, Jessica, told me that I had to go to bed. Jessica was crying, but she was trying to be strong, if for only the sake of me. Everyone in the house was worried about one thing: Mom had done what she’d been threatening to do.

I cried myself to sleep, in fear of what would happen in the morning. When morning came around, I awoke to the heart-wrenching sobs of my sisters. continue reading…

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The anger, bitterness, depression, and thoughts of suicide that Ben experienced, along with narcolepsy and related medical conditions, were traced back to physical abuse that he experienced in his childhood.

Wrong Responses

Ben responded with anger and bitterness, along with closing people off and not trusting anyone. He built up skills in fighting so that he could fight back.

Then came the lies: “I am a failure. God hates me. I am worthless. Life is not worth living.”

Deepening Stresses

At fifteen, Ben began to have a problem with lust. Because it was left unchecked, this led to secretly listening to rock music. He then got caught up in pornography.

Depression set in and he struggled with thoughts of suicide. One day when he was twenty, he loaded a gun and walked out to the back pasture to end it all. His father stopped him, but he continued to listen to rock music whenever he could.

Ben’s desire was to be free, and he tried many things in his own flesh. However, he could not find freedom, because he was too proud to tell his father everything about his past failures. Soon things started going wrong again and even got worse.

How the Truth Set Him Free

When Ben arrived at his Journey, he had two goals: to conquer lust and to deepen his walk with God.

He writes: “The very first day, some of the fellows from a previous Journey shared how sin’s strength was in its secrecy. God really spoke to me through these guys and their willingness to confess secret sins to their parents. Finally, I called my dad and told him everything. At that point, I was free!

“I then realized that I had to take away the things that were influencing me toward the world. I thought my music was OK and the movies that I watched were OK. I was so wrong!

“Now, as I’m home, I am able to flee when temptations come. God has given me His grace. I’ve had a new boldness to witness. I also made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at pornography in any form. It has been amazing to be so free!”

~ Ben
March 2009 Guys Journey

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