Living the Journey

Before I went to the Journey, I was withdrawn from other people and felt alone inside. My relationship with Christ was distant and not anywhere near where it should be. I had been abused for several years during my childhood and had stuffed the pain deep down inside, building a callous around my heart. I didn’t allow myself to show any emotion and had even forgotten how to cry.

Many other people had tried to help me, so when one of the Journey leaders pulled me aside, I expected her to tell me what I already knew and just deal with the symptoms. Little did I know that God was going to show Himself strong on my behalf and lead me out of this bondage of bitterness, anger, fear, confusion, lustful thoughts, and the wrong view of God which had resulted from my hurtful past.

Satan had fed me a lie that God was both good and bad. God showed me that He is good. He didn’t want bad things to happen to me. Sin caused the bad to happen, but God’s grace could turn that into something good.

God had really never left me. Oh, what unfathomable love I discovered in Christ! A love that told me of my worth to Him, a love that hurt with me, that cried with me. Oh yes! Jesus went through those hard days right with me—I was blinded and shut Him out, but now I was able to see. He was turning it all into good! I forgave my offenders and asked the Lord to help me to see them as He did. It surprised me how easy the tears came after years of bottling everything up inside. When He filled me with a love for them, I could not see their shortcomings anymore. Surely love covers a multitude of sin!

Then our team studied the “Tender Heart.” God broke me with the answer to the question, “Why Did God Let it Happen?” As the Lord revealed to my spirit from His Spirit, I began to write down the benefits of what I had been through. By the time I finished, I was in complete awe of my Lord Jesus Christ. He had captured my heart with His love, wisdom, peace, and amazing grace.

I ran to my leader with a heart full of thanksgiving, so happy that I laughed and cried at the same time. I had given my whole heart to Christ and was free from bondage. I am free! God is truly my All in All and the Lover of my Soul. Thank you, Lord, for everyone at the Journey, and thank you for showing me who Jesus wants me to be!

~ Barbara
September 2008 Girl’s Journey

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A Painful Memory

In December 1964, after completing nine and a half months of service in Vietnam, I arrived at Travis Air Force Base in Bolero, CA. It was Christmas Eve, and I was anxious see my wife and be home for Christmas.

As I left the base to catch a bus, a group of war protesters threw rotten fruit and eggs at us, calling us baby-killers. I wanted to break their heads but was restrained by the military police. I was deeply crushed because there seemed to be no appreciation back at home for the soldiers who were sacrificing their lives for their country. This caused me to become very bitter.

An Explosion of Anger

In 1971 in Globe, AZ, I was driving up a narrow street on a steep hill when I was met by someone in another vehicle on my side of the road. The road was too steep to back up so he began to curse me and give naughty waves.

In anger, I got out of my truck and walked up to his car. He quickly locked the doors and rolled up the windows. I grabbed the door handle and pulled it right off the car. My next thought was to smash the window with the handle, break his head with it, and then drag him out through the window. I could see the terror in his eyes.

But in that instant, God spoke to my heart and told me to stop. Somehow, I controlled my anger, apologized, and got back in my truck. After that incident, I realized I had a serious problem with anger. Yet instead of properly dealing with it, I only sank deeper into my bitterness, anger, and depression, fighting suicidal and violent thoughts.

Freedom from Bitterness

Early in 1975, I attended the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar in Fort Worth, TX after hearing the testimony of an alumnus. Mr. Bill Gothard talked about one area in which I knew I needed tremendous help—overcoming bitterness.

Through the teachings about Jesus Christ and His power to reconstruct lives, I was able to overcome bitterness and forgive the offensive war protesters, as well as a nation who I felt had betrayed all Vietnam War veterans. There is now healing instead of hurt.

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As a child, I felt a lot of rejection from my family. Though they showed me lots of affection, they were very busy with many other things. I sought for that affection in other ways, lost my trust in my Dad, and became very independent and rebellious. I told myself that I was tough enough to make my way in the world and refused to ever cry or talk about my problems. Pain built up because I had no way to let it out in a controlled fashion. I became bitter, felt rejection easily, and reacted to my sister and my parents.

I came on the Journey and promised myself I would not change. When I arrived I looked for people like me, but God gave me a team with strong godly girls who pulled me up. One night we watched the Father’s Love Letter. I was trying not to cry when my friend encouraged me to be open with God. I prayed with her and then felt the Lord prompting me to go talk to my sister, who is younger then I. We were able to resolve deep-rooted conflicts and I was free to surrender to the Lord the biggest thing that was competing with my love for Him. I now have a new freedom and sense of fearlessness!

~ Hannah
June 2008 Girls Journey

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