The future: bleak, empty, purposeless, meaningless. That is how I felt. All life held for me was questions. What will I do? Where will I be? How do I know God’s will for my life? I was in a whirlpool, drifting round and round, powerless to get a grasp on a goal worth living for.
I tried many avenues to find meaning in life. As I began to depend on people for significance and worth, tension appeared in my relationships. I craved the things and events that looked as if they could provide fulfillment and peace. As each and every person, thing, and event failed my expectations, I watched stress take root and spring up in my life; deadly stresses of anger, guilt, lust, bitterness, greed, fear, and envy. Still, I had no goal I could thrust all my heart, soul, mind and strength into for the Lord.
“If a purpose is not worth dying for, that purpose is not worth living for.” What a powerfully true statement! I realized I needed to do some serious communicating with God, if I was to discover a life purpose worth dying for. To my parents and I, the teaching and time concentrating on the Lord at Journey to the Heart was needed.
Two months preceding my Journey, I read The Power of Personal Vows by Bill Gothard. As I read of the valuable benefits others have experienced by making predetermined decisions to do good and reject evil, the Lord laid it on my heart to make a specific vow. After consulting my parents, we agreed that a vow to God for an established period of single, undistracted service for the Lord was the next step for me to obey Christ’s command:
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?” (Luke 9:23-25).
It was not until the second day of my Journey that I orally made this vow. We are told in Psalm 37:4-5, “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord: trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” He did! I was delighting myself in Him the second day of my Journey, and that week He made His desires my desires! I committed my way to Him through that vow, trusting Him, and He brought it to pass:
Only a few hours after making my vow, the Lord revealed to me, through a very wise and Godly spiritual authority, His will for the next step of my life! God showed me specifically where to go and how to learn to teach His principles, character and commands to children. At first, I resisted. “No,” I thought, “do I have to serve You in that particular way?” Our Heavenly Father is so very patient and faithful!
During my time in the Northwoods, the Lord grew in me a burning desire to serve Him. He has made His desires my desires. He has given me such joy as I prepare to serve Him in the way He has directed!
~ Carmen
July 2009 Girls Journey
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Nick did not want to attend the Journey. He purposed not listen to what was shared and resist the instruction he was given. However, when he experienced the love and acceptance of the staff, he was overwhelmed and stated publicly, “How could I react to a group that gave me so much love?” During the Journey, he totally surrendered himself to the Lord, called home and asked his parents for forgiveness. He told them to throw out all of his rock music, and then he asked how he could continue serving the Lord.
On the way home, Nick witnessed to three people on the plane. He also began witnessing to acquaintances he had made on his former paper route, as well as at his new job at a grocery store. He has requested baptism and is looking forward to overseas mission work in the near future.
