Living the Journey

The anger, bitterness, depression, and thoughts of suicide that Ben experienced, along with narcolepsy and related medical conditions, were traced back to physical abuse that he experienced in his childhood.

Wrong Responses

Ben responded with anger and bitterness, along with closing people off and not trusting anyone. He built up skills in fighting so that he could fight back.

Then came the lies: “I am a failure. God hates me. I am worthless. Life is not worth living.”

Deepening Stresses

At fifteen, Ben began to have a problem with lust. Because it was left unchecked, this led to secretly listening to rock music. He then got caught up in pornography.

Depression set in and he struggled with thoughts of suicide. One day when he was twenty, he loaded a gun and walked out to the back pasture to end it all. His father stopped him, but he continued to listen to rock music whenever he could.

Ben’s desire was to be free, and he tried many things in his own flesh. However, he could not find freedom, because he was too proud to tell his father everything about his past failures. Soon things started going wrong again and even got worse.

How the Truth Set Him Free

When Ben arrived at his Journey, he had two goals: to conquer lust and to deepen his walk with God.

He writes: “The very first day, some of the fellows from a previous Journey shared how sin’s strength was in its secrecy. God really spoke to me through these guys and their willingness to confess secret sins to their parents. Finally, I called my dad and told him everything. At that point, I was free!

“I then realized that I had to take away the things that were influencing me toward the world. I thought my music was OK and the movies that I watched were OK. I was so wrong!

“Now, as I’m home, I am able to flee when temptations come. God has given me His grace. I’ve had a new boldness to witness. I also made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at pornography in any form. It has been amazing to be so free!”

~ Ben
March 2009 Guys Journey

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