Before I went to the Journey, I was withdrawn from other people and felt alone inside. My relationship with Christ was distant and not anywhere near where it should be. I had been abused for several years during my childhood and had stuffed the pain deep down inside, building a callous around my heart. I didn’t allow myself to show any emotion and had even forgotten how to cry.
Many other people had tried to help me, so when one of the Journey leaders pulled me aside, I expected her to tell me what I already knew 
and just deal with the symptoms. Little did I know that God was going to show Himself strong on my behalf and lead me out of this bondage of bitterness, anger, fear, confusion, lustful thoughts, and the wrong view of God which had resulted from my hurtful past.
Satan had fed me a lie that God was both good and bad. God showed me that He is good. He didn’t want bad things to happen to me. Sin caused the bad to happen, but God’s grace could turn that into something good.
God had really never left me. Oh, what unfathomable love I discovered in Christ! A love that told me of my worth to Him, a love that hurt with me, that cried with me. Oh yes! Jesus went through those hard days right with me—I was blinded and shut Him out, but now I was able to see. He was turning it all into good! I forgave my offenders and asked the Lord to help me to see them as He did. It surprised me how easy the tears came after years of bottling everything up inside. When He filled me with a love for them, I could not see their shortcomings anymore. Surely love covers a multitude of sin!
Then our team studied the “Tender Heart.” God broke me with the answer to the question, “Why Did God Let it Happen?” As the Lord revealed to my spirit from His Spirit, I began to write down the benefits of what I had been through. By the time I finished, I was in complete awe of my Lord Jesus Christ. He had captured my heart with His love, wisdom, peace, and amazing grace.
I ran to my leader with a heart full of thanksgiving, so happy that I laughed and cried at the same time. I had given my whole heart to Christ and was free from bondage. I am free! God is truly my All in All and the Lover of my Soul. Thank you, Lord, for everyone at the Journey, and thank you for showing me who Jesus wants me to be!
~ Barbara
September 2008 Girl’s Journey
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October 17th, 2008 at 5:24 am
What an amazing testimony you can share with others! God is an awesome God!
Praise the Lord!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:05 am
It was amazing to see God working in Barbara’s heart that week!! She was going through such a hard time trying to give up the pain,and I felt so bad for her. But when God finally broke through, it was unforgettable!!!!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:42 am
It’s Amazing how the things that to many would seem so terrible actually turn out to be a blessing when you realize that it is possible to trust God through the darkest times…Thank you so much for sharing your testimony! God bless you!
October 17th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Hey Barbie, this is so beautiful. It made me cry. I’m so glad that God is working in your life as He has in mine!
Love Ya,
Cassie
October 19th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony Barbara. Hearing about the work God is doing in your life has given me goose bumps and such joy! When God sends His children through the fire, they come through it purified and more capable of facing the calling of our Lord. I love you and I am looking forward to hearing how God is going to use you to make a eternal difference in the lives of other girls. Know that I understand your pain and that I will be praying for you!
October 20th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
What a blessing to be able to witness the awesome work of God in Barbara’s life! Thanks Barbara for sharing your testimony with others. God is so good!!!